


Leather And Lace

by DEAdea



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: BDSM, Banter, Bondage, Dom Harry, Light BDSM, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Sub Louis, Surviving, Triggers, a tiny little bit of angst too, and mention of one not, and sparks fly, and they need some rope and some orgasms to help them solve the thing that is their chemistry, but very happy ever after, for, i can't do it without that, just a mention tho, just two doctors falling for each other, mention of sick children, so all it takes is a bit of rope and banter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-03-01 19:19:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13301511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DEAdea/pseuds/DEAdea
Summary: “Yes, Submission is a gift. A gift I tend to cherish in my lifetime. A gift that I respect deeply about. That gift is you being the brave one here, between us, because someone who will give out that type of control to someone else, is the true power holder. You as Submissive know you hold that power. You giving me and other Doms that gift makes me feel special and I will do anything to give everything and more back to you.”Or a short BDSM AU where Louis wants someone to make him forget how to speak and Harry will do everything to make him say all the words.





	1. Fire And Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is fiction and it's 100% made up. It's based on the public personas of real people, yet it does not mean to imply anything about their behaviour in real life.
> 
> I would like to say big special thank you to [Lucija](http://otpwhatever.tumblr.com) for reading and guiding me before this goes live. I would also like to thank her for being my Friend. Not just on the internet, but also in real life.

**Monday, 8:28 PM**

 

“Hey! Hold the door! Wait… No-no-no... Hold the door!” Louis’ shouts echoed through Pediatric Intensive Care Unit in Leeds.

His white coat was floating behind him, while he ran and stumbled through the hallway.

He managed to push himself in, almost jumping, the door hitting him in the process. 

“Shit”, he mutters to himself while he turns to general surgeon on call of the night, Dr. Harry Styles. 

Dr. Harry Edward Styles, the golden boy as they say, stands calmly leaning onto the mirror behind him, arms crossed on his chest, legs crossed at the ankles. His expression looks almost bored as he watches Louis stumble in front of him. 

They are alone in the tight tiny space and the green scrubs from Dr. Styles’ working attire give the space a special type of green glow.

Louis points his finger into Harry’s chest. Anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach is making him wanting to punch the guy.

“You listen to me dickhead, you report to me, not to my resident, not to the night head nurse, not to my fucking boss, you report to me. Do you understand that? And if you, egotistical douchy self thinks that you can come to my ward doing rounds for my patients while I’m not there, I will be dammed if…”, the elevator suddenly stops.

Breathing heavily he turns his back to the mirror too, so he stands right next to the man he despises the most in this hospital. 

In comes dr. Smith, with cordial nod they ride together for two stories. Then Louis and dr. Styles are all alone again. 

Louis shivers for the whole ride, his heart dancing around his chest, his vision a little bit blurry and he has yet to understand why. It doesn’t look like anger to him anymore, but what is it. It feels familiar, almost like he can taste something… Something unreachable.  

“Listen Styles, I’m not joking…”, he tries calmly this time. He really needs to focus to control his temper. 

“What kind of a doctor even smokes?” Harry’ question confused him for a bit, so he just blinks at the tall man next to him.

_ What?  _

“What?” It almost feels like the ground is shaking. It threw him off balance. The space is immediately filled with cold silence.

 

Dr. Styles still looks utterly unbothered while he’s staring straight forward at the closed door. He oozes something dangerously dominant and Louis does not like that. 

_ Really doesn’t like that. Not on Styles. No, definitely not on Harry. _

He snickers at Louis and then he looks at him. His eyes are so green that Louis needs to hold his breath. 

“I mean... I would understand while you are at home and in the confines of your own private space, but behind the hospital? Smoking? Like, do you even comprehend what are you doing or… Where did you even get your degree, hmmm?” 

The door opened again and without another word dr. Styles leaves the tiny space. Louis is baffled by surgeon’s attitude, but cannot resist to scream after him.

“I was two years ahead of you in the same medical school, you asshole! You would remember if you pull that stick…”  _ No. This screaming match is not happening. _

When the doors are closed again he finds himself texting Zayn for another cigarette break at the back exit, so he can distress and rant about Styles, and then he find himself wonder.

_ Who exactly is dr. Styles? _

Harry Styles, the prodigy of their pediatric surgical team. He apparently has golden hands. 

_ As if. _

He is arrogant, so full of himself and today he crossed  _ the _ line. He crossed it months ago, when he parked his pretentious red vintage Mustang on Louis’ assigned parking place.

Night roundings were just finished when the residents whispered how dr. Styles gave news to Kurt’s parents without Louis being present. The protocol of course says otherwise. Louis should be there. He is the responsible intensive care specialist for the night. 

_ He knows he should be there. And he knows Styles knows that too. _

After working for 36 hours straight he will smoke a cigarette behind the hospital with Zayn,  _ thank you very much _ .

He feels agitated. He has felt that way for weeks on end now.

He is extremely overworked, he basically has his whole life in this hospital, the last free day he spent on his couch while his kitty Mishka was on his lap. And that was seven days ago. He can't even remember when was the last time he got laid. He can barely remember how good it feels when he is flying, how calm he is on his knees for someone or when he is denied coming for a week. How does it feel when someone cares about your needs. 

When someone else takes that control.

And how fantastically overwhelmed he felt for the first time he submitted all those years ago in his dorm room in his second year of medical school. 

To give the ropes to someone else is a pleasure he will never have enough of, never get tired of. It's that feeling of letting go he will always fight for.  He will fight for that. 

On that spot he promised himself, he will go to the Blue and Green this friday, to see if his favorite Doms would be there. First he needs to check if his subscription is still regularly paid and updated. 

He discovered Blue and Green a couple years ago and he was a regular when he had time. He was there 3 times this year and it’s September. He needs to do better than that.

_ He will do better than that. For himself. _

He needs to put away control, he needs to go away, he needs to fly and he needs to feel whole again.

 

**Friday, 10:29 PM**

 

Louis looks at himself in the mirror. Black ripped skinnies, black polo with a nice dark maroon suede jacket. He can’t decide on the shoes. 

_ What is he feeling today? Boots or ankles out?  _

Boots. Black of course.

He messes some more with his fringe and grabs his car keys, because he won’t drink tonight. That’s not on agenda when he searches for some other type of relief.

When he approaches the club, everything is too calm for his taste. Hiis phone is telling him that it’s almost 11 PM. Nervousness starts creeping up his chest, because he doesn’t feel comfortable asking what is going on. He likes to fly under the radar, cruising the crowd, maybe drink a soda with Nick if they go together and maybe, just maybe, spot some new face with a Dominant aura. 

_ That would be really nice. _

“Hey, is it closed today?” he asks a door man.

“Oh no, just teaching scenes are in for the whole weekend.” 

Teaching scenes would be how he got into the lifestyle. As a student he would stand in the back of a small crowd with a blush creeping up his neck when he would see all that rope work. It would make him want everything he has seen. And more.

_ Eventually he would get a curage to try. _

“Oh, okay.” 

“Just have a look, tons of people turned up and today is all about bondage.” 

_ Bondage? Hell yeah. _

Louis dabbled in that, but never too much, just some rope, some handcuffs and the usual lighter session that might not have gotten as far as he was willing to get. Well if he is already here, then he might watch the show and have a drink. Or two.

The dimmed lights on the stage threw him off. The scene was almost serene. The crowd was almost completely silent, some of them are having their phones out. Not to take pictures, but to take notes. Looks like someone important is teaching tonight.

Then he stops in his tracks, because he  _ knows _ that voice. 

He steps forward. Just two steps, so he can see and hear better.

There is an unearthly vision of almost naked young man being covered in gorgeous rope work, all over his back and torso. Louis can’t take his eyes away.

“Shibari means ’to tie‘. To tie your Submissive is not just to tie them _ per se _ . It means to take care of them. To cherish their gift. Their submission. Them.” 

“A gift?” someone in the crowd asks.

“Yes, Submission is a gift. A gift I tend to cherish in my lifetime. A gift that I respect deeply about. That gift is  _ you _ being the brave one here, between us, because someone who will give out  _ that _ type of control to someone else, is the true power holder. You as Submissive know you hold that power. You giving me and other Doms  _ that _ gift makes me feel special and I will do anything to give everything and more back to you.”

Louis’ heart drops low in his abdomen, his whole body tenses.  

Harry Styles. Dr Styes is having a teaching lesson on rope work and Louis starts to swim in the shivers that cover his whole entire body. 

He also wants to hear more.

_ Give more. Receive more. _

Harry steps behind the man on the stage. “You as a Dominant need to take care of that gift. You also need to push and pull. But first, you need to make sure the rope is safe. Pick good quality, ask them about what are their wishes, limits, practice and most importantly, check. Check every inch of the rope, for it not to be too tight or too loose, because rope is you. Yes, you.”

Louis stops breathing.

Harry steps in front of the guy in the ropes and he starts to undo some knots, while whispering something in the ear of the another man.

“When your session is over, there needs to be Aftercare. Take care of your Submissive, massage them, maybe even kiss every spot where rope left its mark, it’s your time... My personal favorite is the part where I know I gave something back. When I took care of someone who gave me  total control… It makes me proud. To be trusted like that...”

Then he looked into the crowd and his eyes met Louis’.

The whole place started to spin and when he didn't see panic in Harry’s eyes, something warm spreaded in his chest.

“Thank you all for coming tonight, I will be available for any question in the next thirty minutes or so and I would be happy to help. Thank you...”

Harry turned back to the guy, who still looked like he was flying a little bit and then the crowd started to move away, to give them privacy.

Louis moved with the crowd towards the bar and lounge area. He looked back and saw the guy was almost free of all the rope and he started to dress himself.

_ Is he his partner? His Submissive? _

The jealous wave spreads through Louis’ body.

He ordered a soda and he tried to focus on his shaking hands. Harry Styles is a Dominant.

“Are you lost Tomlinson? Or did you come all the way here to scream at me some more?” The stern tone does something to Louis. He doesn’t want to think what exactly.

“Fuck off Styles. I have never seen you here before and I would like for you to fuck off right now,” Louis snickers not even looking at Harry.

“As if.”

“What the fuck is your problem with me? Like, I legit do not understand?” Then he dared to look. 

_ God, when did Harry get so gorgeous? _

“I have no problem with you whatsoever.” They are holding their eye contact without a blink.

“Good, so we can say bye here on this spot and have a good night...”

“I mean, sure, no problem, but I would like for you to be discrete about this, can you?”

“Discrete about you having a bondage class in a BDSM club on a Friday night? Or me being needy as fuck Submissive who needed a lay and all I found was my dick of a coworker in the said club?”

His heart was beating loudly in his throat, his hands shake ever more and yet he couldn't take his eyes of Harry.

_ Why is sudenly so hot in this place? _

_ Why is there a sudden need for him to take a cold shower? _

“Louis…”, Harry reaches towards him and when he almost touches him, he can’t. Not with Harry. Not like that. 

“No!” 

Both of them jump away and Harry’s facial expression almost broke him at the spot.  _ What is this? What’s happening? _

“Sorry, I gotta go… But do not worry about me blabbing anything at work... “

And with that he is gone. Because he is afraid of himself if he wouldn’t be. 

Of what he would do. Of what Harry would do. 

To him.

To them. 


	2. Water And Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can they find each other in a state of tension?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Lucija](http://otpwhatever.tumblr.com/), thank you for guiding me.

**Monday, 8:28 AM**

 

Zayn is puffing big circles of smoke while having that  sinister  expression written all over his handsome, yet tired face. With evil sparkle in those dark stormy eyes he is sternly looking at Louis. 

“So, you are saying? What exactly?”

“I’m saying our Golden Boy is a Dom and I saw him having a bondage class in my club.” 

Louis was in agonizing misery for the whole weekend and not even a jogging session with Nick helped him. Well, if you can call that a jog. More like ranting about bad fashion choices of random pedestrians in the park. 

“Oh.”

Louis looks around, so he can make sure absolutely no one on the planet Earth can hear them.

“What?”

Louis is not having this confrontation by a shrink, who is also his dearest friend, next to the hospital dumpsters on a Monday morning,  _ thank you very much _ . 

“Nothing.” Zayn finished his first cigarette and is already lighting up another one. Very nonchalantly he leans on the brick wall behind him. 

“Don’t do that!”

“What am I doing Louis? Please enlighten me?”

“Do not shrink me!” He hates it, hates it to his core that his friend from medical school knows him that well.

“I’m not shrinking you and well, if I might point it out the obvious here, you love bondage.”

“That’s not the point.” 

“And you love men with long hair.” Thinking about all the men with long hair in his young adult life is a bit much for this early hour.

“That’s beside the point here Zayn...”

“You especially like men who are in the lifestyle and you know… With a sprinke of douchy undertone...”

“Why are you like this?” His phone is going off in the pocket and they both know it’s time to go. 

“Someone has to be, my darling…”

“Has to be what, Zayn?” 

Zayn was there for him when his mother passed, he was there for him when he drank himself stupid for the whole week on his bathroom floor after his first boyfriend broke up with him. He didn't say a single word for the whole week. Because he didn't have to. That's how well Zayn knows him and it scares him to his core of what he might say now.

“Listen, if you…”

“If I what?” Here we go. He knows it’s coming, words that will make his head spin.

“If you cannot be honest with yourself.”

Silence falls between them. “I need to go back in, my residents are waiting for me…”

“Sure they do.”

“Zayn…”

“Louis?”

“Do. Not. Shrink. Me.” 

“I might be a shrink but I’m a friend here and I’m telling you Styles is…” 

“An asshole, yes.”

“That too probably, or not, I don’t really care. Probably not. What I wanted to say… He is just your type.”

“Ok, no, that’s not even an option. I work with him!” His body suddenly feels alive, like his heart just woke up. 

The buzzing sound of his phone doesn’t stop. He really needs to go. 

Zayn laughs while putting out his last cigarette. “Like he would be the first guy you have slept with that works in this hospital…”

“That was one time Zayn! And it was a huge mistake.”

“Yeah yeah, go on, go work… Also... Please, for the love of God. If something feels right, it might be right, you know? Stop being so stubborn.”  And here it is. 

_ If something feels right, it might be right. _

_ Can it be? _

“Jesus Christ Malik, can you stop sounding like a book? I really need to run.”

Maybe closing the door a tiny bit more forceful than need be will release some of the tension he suddenly feels in his every step. 

It doesn't help. 

He takes a deep breath.

This will be a long week. 

 

**Tuesday, 6:28 PM**

 

The day went downhill after Kurt’s parents came in. Louis knew what the protocol is, he knows it to the dot. He helped write it for God’s sake.

The loss of a patient will never get any easier. It breaks him, every single time.

He curses himself and his profession choice while litting a cigarette at his spot behind the hospital. 

He sinks to the floor and closes his eyes. The door opens and he hears someone stopping in front of him. He hopes it’s Zayn, but he knows it isn’t. 

“Louis?” 

_ Please no, not now. Go away. _

Looking up causes fluttering in his stomach. Harry’s eyes are sad and tired. He looks like he hadn’t had a full night sleep for the whole week.

Louis can’t do this right now. At the same time, he feels the need to comfort Harry. 

“Can you please go away?” His voice breaks in the middle of the sentence and he hates himself for showing any type of vulnerability to anyone, let alone to  _ Him _ .

“I mean, I just wanted to say how sorry I am.” Harry’s voice breaks too and it makes everything worse.  

“Sure you are.” Being mean makes sense to Louis right now. It’s really not fair that those kids can’t win. 

“I am. He was my patient too. You have done everything you could…” 

Louis is getting angrier. “Don’t.”

“I just wanted to say how sorry I am.  And how good of a doctor you are Louis… I also wanted to make sure that you are ok, as much as you can be...”

“Don’t try to make me like you, it won’t happen.” He plays with his cigarette and wonders why the hell he ever started smoking.

“I just wanted... Oh you know what? Never mind.”

“Don’t pretend that you care Styles. I have seen you around, so you just stop.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t think we should even talk to be honest.”

“What are you even on about?”

“The Golden boy is upset. Who the fuck cares. He was on my ward, under my care. But here we have the mighty Dr. Styles complaining about...”

“Goodbye Louis.”

He stands up and looks at Harry's back, already on his way towards his car.

_ Yeah, go away... _

He stubs his cigarette out and sends text to Nick. He needs to go running, just to clear his head. 

 

**Tuesday, 8:18 PM**

 

As soon as he rings Nick’s bell, he starts to feel the itching under his skin. He knows very well what that means. It means that a running session with a friend and a pack of cigarettes won’t help him to  _ not feel.  _

__

To forget. 

__

Nick opens the door with a force. “You are such an asshole Louis, I can’t believe you did that?” 

__

“Well, hello to you too. What did I do?” 

__

Nick is angry and he pulls him in the house. “Get in, I will literally smack you if you cannot see it.”

__

“What?” He stumbles in Nick’s living room, both dogs jumping all around him. 

__

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

__

“No, I’m really confused right now and you know what Nick, how about we don’t play games. I had a pretty rough day and…”

__

“Shut the fuck up. Yeah you had a rough day, I know you have lost a patient, but you knew you couldn’t save him, for what? Weeks already?”

__

“Doesn’t make it any easier, dickead.” He wants to punch Nick in his face. 

__

_ How dare he. _

__

“Sure it doesn’t. Have you ever considered that you are not the only one treating the boy?” Nick is all in his face and Louis still doesn’t know where this is going. 

__

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Louis truly feels lost. 

__

“Harry operated on him how many times?” 

__

“Harry as in Harry Styles? You talk with Harry about my patients?” Anger boils deep in his gut.

__

“No asshole, I talk with Harry when he is upset, because you literally told him, he can’t be upset about a loss…”

__

“What? I haven’t? Wait a minute…. Hold your horses Grimshaw. You and Harry are friends?”

__

“Yeah?”

__

“Great, just great? Since when?”

__

“Since Uni?”

__

“Uni? How?”

__

“Because he was an active part of the student radio? Are you just stupid or did you hit your head recently? You know Harry and I are friends.”

__

“Well, I haven’t known that you are that good of…” He really was rude and dismissive today, wasn’t he. “Shit.”

__

“Yeah shit indeed. You acted like a dick today, Louis.”

__

“But why haven’t you said anything? When I talked about him being annoying?”

__

“I did actually, I pointed out that he is not that bad… Remember?”

__

“He came out all arrogant and like…”

__

“No Louis, I bet he didn’t, stop being so dramatic. The dude lost a patient today too… He just wanted to check on you.”

__

“But he is usually so full of himself...”

__

“Yeah, that he can be, but you know what? You are both annoying. Stop dancing around each other and just fuck or something.”

__

“I will just ignore that sentence... Whatever, he is a big boy. He can handle himself.”

__

_ Can he? Ignore it?  _

__

“That he is, but you need to start acting age appropriate at work, seriously.”

__

Louis nods,  debating whether to go or stay. An abrupt feeling of craving for something is waking up inside of him and he tries to will it away.

__

Nick quietly watches him for a second, and then starts to walk towards the bar area in the living room.  “Want a drink?”

__

“I hoped for a jog to be honest?”

__

“Martini? Or Vodka?”

__

“Vodka.”

__

“Coming.”

__

“Nick, hey…” Nick stops and look back at him. “Thank you.”

__

“You are welcome.”

__

 

__

**Wednesday, 11:02 PM**

__

 

__

Louis tries to fall asleep, but his mind can’t stop racing.  He is still shaken after what Zayn and Nick told him, and the way they did it.

__

At one point he just gives up and lights up his nightstand light.

__

His mind is in overdrive for a week now and he can’t point out what exactly is making him feel on edge.

__

He picks up the phone and opens Instagram. He knows he shouldn’t do that, but he types ‘Harry Styles’ in the search bar.

__

A little black and white icon pops up. He curses himself, rolls on his stomach, but still opens the account.

__

He stils.

__

Almost everything is black and white. There is a lot of gorgeous candids of him on a boat, some artistic nature photos and of course selfies.  There is a coloured photo that stands out, Harry sitting in a high chair, pink converse on his feet. He's wearing a blazer that looks like it's covered in glitter.

__

_ Who is this guy? _

__

He stops at the picture of his profile.

__

_ Jesus, he is beautiful. _

__

No. He can’t do this to himself.

__

He turns his lights off and he puts his phone down.

__

He will stop thinking about Harry Styles.

__

He will.

__

Tomorrow.

__

 

__

**Thursday, 10:45 AM**

__

 

__

“Louis, do you have a second?” His boss, senior consultant, asks him right when he is about to finish his morning charts.

__

“Sure. What’s up?”

__

“We need a general surgeon for consultation in the room 5. I would be pleased if you can get Dr. Styles on the line?  He might be the best person to consult with on this. ”

__

“Yeah, in a minute.”

__

It’s not even his room. But he will do it for the kid. Also, he is in a medical field for years now, so he knows that good old ladder of hierarchy is still important.

__

A quick conversation with nurses and a resident gets him up to speed when it comes to the patient. He takes a deep breath, and then he dials  those magical numbers of their Golden Boy.

__

“Styles.”

__

“Yeah hi, ummm, Tomlinson. So Dr. Higinns wants your opinion on a five-year-old boy in room 5 with a suspicion of appendicitis. He wants you to come to have a look, and decide if you will operate or take a more conservative approach.” His heart is jumping all over his chest. 

__

“Be there in 10.”

__

And the line goes silent.

__

“Well thank you, cupcake of niceness. Good day to you too.” He mutters to himself and tries to busy himself with discharge letters, without looking towards the doors every second.

__

No, he will not wait for him. No.

__

He will hide in his room, yeah, that’s a better idea.

__

He talks with head nurse, just to tell her that Dr. Styles is on his way and that she needs to pass this information to Dr. Higinns.

__

 

__

**Saturday, 5:22 PM**

__

 

__

Louis legs are feeling like bricks and his stomach rumbles. Hospital cafeteria smells like cheap food and awful coffee, but his spirits lift for a second. He will sit down and have a nice warm meal, while scrolling through the news.

__

And then he sees him.

__

_ What is his life? _

__

Annoyance in him prompts him to just turn around and leave, but that’s not a rational decision. He needs to eat, because he is on call and it will be a long night.

__

He is trying not to look. But he is. Looking.

__

Harry’s back is so wide and his bun sits perfectly on top of his head, a few dark curly strands falling out if it.

__

He is in his scrubs, but still can see the curve of his lover back and the swell of his ass.

__

The woman who is eating with Harry caughts him looking.

__

She says something and then Harry turns. 

__

Their eyes lock.

__

_ Fuck. _

__

He puts his tray back, stuffs a bagel in his coat and he almost run out of there.

__

 

__

**Saturday, 8:12 PM**

__

 

__

Louis just finished his phone call with Ernie when the elevator stops. He looks at the number. General surgery ward.

__

_ Great. _

__

The door opens and he feels like everything stops.

__

Harry is looking down on his phone. He has his surgical cap on. 

__

Cold air is consuming him and the need to bow his head is so strong, that he can’t move. He needs to fight it. 

__

_ He also needs someone to touch him.  _

__

He will do everything to keep his head up and he will look him in the eye. Harry steps in, steps right in front of him and turn his back to Louis. Without a single word.

__

Louis holds his breath.

__

The heat coming from Harry’s bigger frame is making him dizzy, Harry’s scent is consuming his brain.

__

Complete silence is broken when the door are closing.

__

His heart wants to jump out of his chest and his legs are feeling wobbly.

__

The air is filled with electricity and the spell is broken when the elevator stops again and a hospital bed is rolled in.

__

This forces them to stand next to each other with their shoulders pressed together.

__

Louis is aware of every single spot where they are touching. His work phone rings.

__

“Tomlinson.”

__

“Hello, Dr. Tomlinson, the patient in room 5 is getting worse, we already called Dr. Styles.”

__

“Be there in 2.”

__

Putting his phone back in his coat is harder with him being extremely alert of Harry’s body warm next to his.

__

And then both of them are rushing through the hallway towards the room 5, a couple of residents updating them on everything they need to know as they walk.

__

 

__

**Saturday, 2:08 AM**

__

 

__

After long hours of pre-op and Harry operating, they finally sat down in the island of their recovery room.

__

Louis was called 10 minutes after the last suture was done, so he can get in the recovery room before the patient.

__

After the boy was asleep, they dimmed the lights and Louis knew there is a ton of paperwork for him to fill out.

__

Harry is still wearing his funny surgical cap. It’s filled with ships and anchors. He can spot a rope and a compass there too.

__

_ He wonders if Harry sails.  _

__

The urge to know more, to dig deep is almost too much.

__

They sit in silence, while nurses do their job around them. Residents are almost all downstairs in the emergency room. One of them has fallen asleep on the couch behind them.

__

Louis smiles to himself, remembering his residency years.

__

He is almost finished with the paperwork when Harry suddenly stands up and starts walking away.

__

“Umm, where are you going?”

__

“To sleep.”

__

Harry doesn’t stop, so Louis stands up and runs after him. “You can’t just go… You need…”

__

Harry abruptly turns around. “What? Explain to you what I did? You can read it yourself, it’s all there in the notes.”

__

“Yeah, sure, Mister perfect, I will do double the work, because you cannot be bothered to report to me verbally.”

__

Nurses are starting to pay attention and the raven haired resident woke up.

__

Louis stutters and says nothing. He is afraid of what might come out of him.

__

He hates this. 

__

Harry is whispering now. “Do no do this in front of the staff.”

__

Louis’ blood is boiling. “Why?”

__

“Because I don’t want them to hear…” Harry snickers. 

__

“You being a douchbag?” Louis finishes Harry’s sentence.

__

“Are you talking about yourself?”

__

“Oh fuck off Styles.”

__

“Anything else Dr. Tomlinson?”

__

Louis can’t push a single word out of him. Harry breaks eye contact and starts his way down the hallway.

__

Why does this feels so right?

__

Without the second thought he runs.

__

 

__

_______________

__

 

__

Harry doesn’t even look at him after Louis abruptly opens the door. “Get out.”

__

“I just wanna...” 

__

“Get. Out.”

__

After closing the door of the surgery on-call room Louis makes two steps into the small space. 

__

Everything stills, except his heart.

__

His heart is making laps around his chest. His intent is obvious. The need behind his moves even more. 

__

_ To him.  _

__

He hopes it’s obvious to Harry too.

__

At the same time he was never so afraid. Of someone saying 'no' to him. Of someone like Harry not seeing him. 

__

Not seeing what he needs, of what he wants.

__

The urge to say something is too much, Harry needs to hear him. 

__

“Do you know what you do to me? How frustrated I am when I know you are nearby?”

__

“Louis.”

__

The air thickens with something Louis doesn’t recognize.

__

One more step towards Harry, towards his needs.

__

“Louis. Stop.” It sounds like a plea to come closer. 

__

He stops anyway.

__

“Do you know how all I want is feel you? Feel your rope on me? Do you know how much I want everything? But at the same time I don’t want you. I don’t know if I want to punch you or kiss you. Or… just kneel in front of you and let you…”

__

“Louis…” This time Harry makes a step towards him.

__

Harry’s eyes are like wildfire and the next second he sees a nod. A tiny little permission to free fall. 

__

Something pulls him in and with everything he has he kisses him. 

__

Harry’s lips feel even better than he could have ever imagined.

__

Harry returns the kiss just as fiverish. It’s all deep and dominant. Better than everything else.

__

He grips Harry’s scrubs, so he doesn’t go away. 

__

_ So he will not go away. _

__

It’s like honey and soft clouds, just like he can almost touch it. 

__

It’s there, him not being in charge. Harry took over their kiss, so natural, so beautifully fast, that Louis sees little dots of pleasure behind his closed eyes.

__

And then Harry pulls away. Steadies him.

__

“We cannot do this…” Harry whispers to him. 

__

“I knew you would say that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t.” Louis bows his head. It happened, Harry rejected him.

__

Pain spreads through his body.

__

“No Louis, you absolutely should. But not here. Not like this. We need to talk.”

__

Louis is afraid of looking up. He gives everything to push words out of his mouth.  “What are you saying?”

__

“You need to be fully in this, just as much as me. This is not the case of ‘I will do it if you want to do it’, with me. It doesn’t work like that. I need to know you are all in. If you are not, then...”

__

“Jesus fucking Christ...”

__

“Look at me Louis.” 

__

Louis looks up.

__

“Are you new to the scene or something, because I can’t point a finger on it, but something is off here.”

__

“To be honest, I’m a bit…” Louis feels lost with himself and he doesn’t know how to express that.

__

“Stubborn? You might be surprised, but I noticed that.” Harry is smiling at him.

__

“No, Harry, is not that… It’s because…”

__

“Because you think I won’t get you?” 

__

“Because I’m so attracted to you.” Louis breaks the eye contact and looks towards the door. 

__

“And you shouldn’t be?”

__

“No.”

__

Louis starts backing away.

__

_ This is a bit much. _

__

Harry doesn’t follow. 

__

When the door opens, he looks back. The green in Harry’s eyes is calming him, but he still needs to go. 

__

_ It’s not the time. _

__

“I’m sorry.”

__

He silently closes the door behind him and he runs.

__

_ Why did Harry’s touch feel so right? _

__

_ Can it be? Right?  _

__


	3. Heart and Arrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he can hear is the echo of his steps and his heart screaming to turn around.

**Sunday, 8:28**

 

Louis stands in front of Zayn’s front door for five minutes already. It’s a chilly Sunday morning and he needs the comfort Zayn provides. Desperately. He also needs to speak about his confusing thoughts to someone who knows him well and with someone who knows mind in general. He rings the bell and hopes Zayn is already awake… And alone. 

He truly needs him to be alone right now.

“Yeah?” Zayn's voice is calm and sleepy and tiredness washes through Louis’ body as well. He can already feel reassurance and relaxation setting in.

“Hi, it’s me. Can I… Come up? I mean, my phone died, so I couldn’t call you beforehand and I know you might not be alone…”

“Shit, babe, sure, come up.” Zayn buzzes him in. When he opens the door he hugs Louis like they wouldn't see each other for a year.

Louis’ eyes burn from all those hospital lights and his bones feel too heavy to even move. “Sorry, I just had a super shit night.”

As soon as they step in the living room, Louis sprawls himself on the sofa, remembering he also needs to put his contacts out of his itchy eyes as soon as possible. 

“No problem. Do you want coffee? With one sugar and a bit of milk, so we can wake you up a bit? And then you will tell me what exactly is the cause for those red eyes. And if it’s a person, I need to know their coordinates, so I can punch them in the face.”

Louis smiles at that because he loves his protective friends. He would go to the end of the world for Zayn too.

“No need Zaynie, no need.” He wishes he would have the balls to say it out loud. But he knows their dance by now. Zayn will push him and he will fight to tell the whole truth right away. Eventually one of them will say how it is.  Sometimes Zayn knows the truth even before him. That scares him and it makes him happy at the same time.

“I know that too.” Louis wants to look at Zayn who sat on the big fluffy chair, but he won’t. 

The silence doesn’t last. “Louis please tell me what happened. Step by step.” 

“I’m so pathetic.” Can he cover himself with all those blankets and never go back to work?

“No you are not, just lonely remember?” They both laugh out loud at that. 

Louis takes a deep breath. “I saw Harry in the cafeteria and I ran away with just a bagel. Then we met in the elevator and he ignored me. Then one of the patients started crashing and he operated on him.”

Images of green in Harry’s eyes are flashing in his brain, so he sits up and puts his cup away. He searches comfort in Zayn’s eyes. “Go on.” 

“He is fine. The patient I mean.”

Zayn smirks and answers. “That’s good. But how is the surgeon?”

_ God, he loves Zayn. _

“Yeah… So, long story short, we had a mini fight in the recovery room, so of course I ran after him, basically jumped him in his on-call room… I kissed him. He kissed me back, stopped the kiss, made some questions I didn’t know how to answer and I ran.”

“Oh, Louis…”

“Yeah.” His heart is going to explode all over those pretty paintings.

_ How convenient. _

“How was the kiss?”

“That’s what are you gonna ask me?”

“Yeah, because as long as I know you, you never ever chased a Dom.”

“Oh my god.” He stills at the realization. He did chase a guy, a Dom nevertheless and a coworker. He never ever chased a guy. 

He is the one getting chased. That’s the whole thing, the game, the rush of being pursued.

“You just realized that, didn’t you.”

“Yeah. Shit.” This is it. The end of any type of chance of him and Harry. 

“No, no need for that Lou, I actually love the fact that you went for it.”

“The kiss was so…” 

_ Soft.  _

_ Perfect.  _

“So?” Zayn is lighting up the cigarette and he has a deeply worried frown in the middle of his forehead.

“Shattering.”

_ So so shattering.  _

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yeah.” He might as well put his heart on the table. There is no hiding anymore. His heart wants away, but his brain wants to understand what is going on. 

“Good. You deserve some earth-shattering kisses.”

“Zayn Malik! That’s not the point.”

“What is though?”

“Stop shrinking me.”

“Yeah ok, you got me there, but just think about it.”

“I’m so tired…” He will just close his eyes for a second. Just a second.

“You can sleep in my guest room. You know where the bathroom is and then we can lay around watching crime stories.”

“Thank you, Zayn.”

“Oh, and babe, a good first kiss, and a good chemistry are rare to find…”

“We don’t have a good chemistry Zayn.”

“You sure?”

Louis doesn’t answer. They just sit in complete silence, drinking the rest of his almost cold coffee while Zayn is puffing smoke all over the room. The silence is making him calm, Zayn being close is making him safe. So he will just sit there for a bit and just be. 

_ Let him just be. _

 

**Tuesday, 7:37**

 

Louis pulls his small duffle bag higher on his shoulder and heads up towards hospital back door.

He slept surprisingly well. Especially after he and Zayn re-watched Sopranos season one and played some video games.

Yesterday was his free day, so he also visited his sisters and talked with his grandparents on the phone. 

Right at the moment when he’s putting his sunglasses off, he sees Harry coming out of the Hospital. Right in his direction.

When Harry sees him they both slow down their speed. Louis almost stops in his step. Right at that moment, he decides that he needs to be a bigger person. He needs to be able to do this at 34 years of age. He is a grown up. He can do this. 

Harry stopped a step away from Louis. People around them were a blur, background noise. All he can focus on was Harry's smell. Surgical soap. It soothed him.

“Hey.” Harry’s voice is mellow. He can’t look him in the eyes, so he just looks down, at his dirty Vans.

He also can’t find his words so he just says what is the most obvious. “I’m just starting my night shift. You out?”

“Yeah, I have a night one tomorrow.”

“Oh, bummer.” It came out before he could stop it. He looks up in the horror of that implication.

Harry's eyes are also on his and he is smiling.  That dimple calls to him to poke it. Kiss it. “Bummer?”

“I mean, yeah, like… You know, working nights.”

“Or did you mean we won’t see each other for three days? Except if we bump into each other here, on the parking lot?” 

Louis’ throat is constricting from the intensity of this discussion. “Jesus, are you always that outspoken?”

Harry stands up straight, almost like he was startled by the question. “Yeah… I don’t like mixed messages.”

“Listen, Harry, I shouldn't do that the other night.” That took a lot of courage. Almost more than the kiss itself. 

Harry looks away when he is starting to talk. “I will stop you right now. I won’t talk about those things here... On this parking lot. I’m tired and you are already late.”

“But…”

“Listen, if you want to talk, just ask, tell me you want to talk and we will talk. I wish you a peaceful shift. Night.” Harry is starting to walk away, but Louis grasps his arm.

“Wait.”

Without even turning around or looking at Louis he murmurs. “What do you want from me, Louis?”

“I can’t fucking read you.” Frustration is cutting him up and all he can think about is him still touching Harry’s arm. He is doing it again. Chasing a Dom. 

Harry turns to him so they are standing so close that he can see the redness in Harry’s eyes. The dark blue imprint of his under eye circles and the dryness of his lips are making Louis losing his train of thought.

The urge of kissing him again is the strongest force he has ever felt.

_ Almost unbearable. _

Harry leans in and almost touches his right ear. Louis is still holding his bicep. He isn’t so sure he would be still standing if he wouldn’t have that grip on Harry’s flesh. “If we wouldn’t be here right now, in the middle of this parking lot and I wouldn’t be as tired as I am, I would hoist you up on my car and the last thing on your mind would be that doubt that I can see all over your face.”

“Fuck.” Louis steps away pulls his hand to himself and he starts looking around if anyone saw them.

“Louis…”

“I gotta go. Rounds are about to start…” 

_ And he runs.  _

 

**Friday, 11:28 PM**

 

Nick was insisting for them to grab a drink at a random gay bar near his neighborhood. Louis wasn’t really in the mood, but he needed not to think about work. One drink led to another and the third one led Nick to flirt with a very hot bartender, so he was getting a bit bored and restless.

He really wants to do something about that, he needs to find someone to let him kneel in peace.

_ For them.  _

_ For him.  _

_ For Harry.  _

Nick was blabbing about his family drama and for a second Louis had a feeling that he is hallucinating when Nick yelled Harry’s name through the whole bar. It made him go perfectly still. Restlessness was gone in a second.  _ Funny that. _

“You got to be kidding me,” Louis says to himself when he saw a mop of dark curly hair coming through the crowd.

“Hello”, says Harry through a tight lip smile.

Nick is still screaming, “What are you doing here mate?”

“Uhm…” Harry was now looking at Louis, eye blazing with something Louis wasn’t ready to see. 

“Liam took me out.”

Who is Liam?

Nick jumps on his spot. “Liam? Where is he? I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“Oh, he is there in the corner, with Niall. Listen I have to go, nice to see you, I will text you later.” Still watching Louis, Harry started to walk away. 

Louis couldn’t even say anything, let alone move. Harry looked like sex on legs. Black skinnies, black sheer button up and black leather jacket over that.

He wants to punch him and lick him all over after that. He might even drool for a second.

He turned over to the hot bartender, pretending that he is absolutely not bothered with The Golden Boy being in the same bar.

He and Nick talked about their plans for their summer vacation. Louis couldn’t stop looking towards that far corner, where Harry sat with his friends and there wasn’t a single time he didn’t catch Louis starring.

The push and pull in their looks was a lot for Louis after those three drinks.

“Nick, I’m gonna go to the loo and then I’m gonna head home.”

“Yeah man, I need to run too. I had such a nice time. Talk to you later?” After a small hug, Louis starts his way towards men's room.

The whole time, he had an urge to look back. His knees are shaking and the anxiety of the chance of Harry following him is burning inside of him. He wants that. He does. 

He wants to be chased.

When he steps into the men's room, an arm is closing over his biceps and pushing him into one of the empty cubicles. 

He knew he will come after him. He knew Harry will chaise him this time around.

After forcibly closing that small cubicle door, Harry shoves him into the wall and presses his whole body into his back. Louis rests his forehead on the cold concrete, goosebumps raising all over his body while Harry buries his face into his neck. All he could hear was Harry's ragged gasps and the noise of music in the distance. 

Just based on heavy breathing Louis was not the only one affected by them being pressed together. 

He wants to say something, but Harry beats him to it. “Tell me if this is ok?”

“Please…”

“What? What do you want?” His ass was aligned with Harry's groin and he bites into his lips, so he can focus on words and not on him pushing back.

“More Harry, please.” 

“Fuck.” Harry is noticeably getting hard and he wants to scream his pleading.

_ Please.  _

_ More.  _

_ Make me take it. _

He can’t hold in anymore, he needs Harry and he wants him, so with all the force he has, he pushes back begging, “Harder.”

Suddenly all he feels is cold and emptiness. Harry moved away, to the other side of the small cubicle. Louis turns around, confused and feeling rejected. Harry says, “Ok, we need to talk…”

“What is up with you and your talking? How about we get to the fucking part, so I can get you out of my fucking system.” The anger is rising in Louis' stomach.

“Because we won’t do this and not talk before, we can’t do that Louis. I can’t do this. And… You are drunk.”

“I am not.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, you are such a…” Harry's hands are playing with his wavy hair and all Louis wants to do is go up to him and touch that softness.

“What? Tell me Styles, what am I? Let me tell you what exactly I am. I’m hard as a fucking rocket right now and I beg you…”

“No.”

“FUCK!” Louis is burying his face in his hands, so he won't hear what's Harry has to say. He just knows, he won't like it.

“You are driving me mad right now. I won’t fuck you just so you can fuck me out of your system. I don’t know what the fuck this is between us, but I am willing to explore. Not like this though… So… If you are still willing tomorrow night, you can come to my place and we can see what we can do about your frustration.”

Louis is not watching him and all he manages is a nod. He needs to see what this guy has to offer. 

“Good boy.”

He looks up at Harry smirking. “Boy?”

“What? I am so far from vanilla Louis, that you will dream chocolate after I will have my way with you.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that… I was just wondering, if we will fuck or if we will play?”

“I don’t do one without the other.”

Louis is feeling a blush rising up his neck and Harry is smirking at him.

“Ok.”

“Ok. I will text you. Bye.”

And he is gone.

 

**Saturday, 12:05 PM**

 

**Harry Styles: Hello. I would be very happy if you can join me for a dinner at my place, tonight at 7 pm. Adress: Birdcage walks 78. H x**

Louis is reading Harry’s text over and over again. Mishka is on his lap purring and he is contemplating to just not answer and forget altogether. 

Three minutes later he somehow manages a small answer.

**Hi, yeah I would like that. I will bring the wine.**

He is thinking about putting an ‘x’ to the end of that text, but he decides not to.

**Harry Styles: Great, see you tonight. x**

Louis is pacing through his living room, deciding if he will call Nick or Zayn. He doesn’t. He calls his sisters and he tries not to stress smoke entire pack. 

_ He really needs to stop smoking.  _

 

**Saturday, 7:07 PM**

 

His taxi stops in front of enormous old Victorian style house. The dark grey color of the wood somehow calls to him.

“How fitting,” he mutters to himself while making his way towards that grand wood door. 

Harry opens the door even before Louis manages to ring the bell, wearing a white apron and an immense smile.

_ Absolutely stunning. _

With a blinding grin, he says, “Louis! So happy you came. Come in, I just finished cooking…”

Louis is stepping into this fairytale house while Harry is half hugging him and pushing him deeper into the home. 

The smell of fish and spices is in the air. The kitchen is in dark blue color, almost all the walls are black or deep grey and the dimmed lights are throwing soft shadows all over the large space. In front of the enormous window is a round wooden table, set for two. 

_ It’s magical.  _

Louis feels apprehensive, but he manages to make his voice still. “I bought the wine…”

Harry radiates happiness, It’s so refreshing to see him like this. “Yeah, thank you. It will go wonderfully with the salmon. Sit. I will be right with you. I will just open this monster.” 

He is sitting down and he still can’t believe he is in Harry’s house. When Harry's back he doesn’t wear an apron anymore, just a simple white button up. He opens the bottle of wine and finally sits down. Food on the plates smells and looks amazing.

"The food looks delicious Harry. Thank you for cooking."

Louis looks up to Harry, fringe falling on his eyes when Harry says, “You are welcome. I really need to ask you this, it has bothered me since Friday. Does it work for you?”

“What?” Louis is feeling on edge. He almost wants to pick and scratch his skin around his finger.

“Fucking someone out of the system?” Louis is happy that he didn’t suffocate on that one potato he was chewing. After a second or two, he answers, “I don’t know. Listen. I need to make this clear. I have never chased a D-” 

“A Dominant before?”

“Yeah, feels weird…”

“Why?” Harry body language is relaxed, but at the same time ready to challenge him. He can feel it. It makes him hot all over.

“I don’t know, to be honest. It’s like someone put a switch in my brain and all I want to do is being around you? So I can scream at you…” 

Harry smirks to himself while looking at his food. “So, you will scream at me tonight?”

“Not sure why exactly I’m here, to be honest.”

“You truly don’t like to waste any time, do you?”

“No.” 

“Ok then. Let’s talk that talk. How long are you playing?”

“For about 8 years seriously? I played even younger, but that was just exploring, letting off some steam, you know?” Anxiety is boiling up in him. He always hated negotiations. 

“Any relationships?”

“Uhmm…”

“So, previous relationships talk is a hard limit?” 

_ Yeah, hard limit, thank you, he will not talk about Jake with Harry. _

“No, not at all… I mean, yeah, maybe. For now.”

“Ok, but you were in one?”

“More than one, but one in the lifestyle yes. That didn’t end well…”

“And you go to the club?”

“Sometimes. I prefer to play in private… You know, just because our profession is so specific, I don’t want to bump into a parent of my patient or something…” He will never put his whole career on the line, just because he likes someone to bring him over the edge. 

_ To make him fly.  _

He also doesn’t want his coworkers to know what he likes in bed. 

_ It’s none of their business. _

“I get it. But you do play in public?”

“I actually play in private, even in the club. I can’t remember when was the last time though?”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t remember when was the last time I had a…”

“A Dom taking care of your needs?”

“Yeah, that.” There is a blush raising up his chest and he is afraid it will show through this marron henley.

“Yeah, I could tell you were a long time without some decent play time… You are intense.”

“Oh my God...” Louis' blush is going to show and he can't wait to hide. To run.

“Why are you so embarrassed about?”

“You know, me chasing a Dom?”

“Hmmm…”

“Listen, we shouldn’t do this. We work together.”

“I tend to agree with this, I don’t mix business and pleasure either.”

“Oh…” Suddenly he feels disappointment. 

“But… I don’t know what is about you. I can’t fucking get you out of my head and I can’t stop looking around at work, just to see you all up in my business… So, I need to do this for myself. To see…”

“Wha-?”

“To see if our kinks align or not… I need to know.” Harry makes their eyes meet at that point and Louis is trying really hard not laugh with his mouth full.

“Are your kinks that rare?”

Harry waits for a second to answer that and Louis just knows something is holding this Dominant back. “Yeah, not a lot of people wants to play with me, because I tend to focus on some things a lot.”

“Like what?” This is a turn Louis did not expect tonight.

“Submissive firsts. So… What are you into?”

“I mean I tend to love bondage the most, and I am not a fan of the pain in the sense of pleasure…”

There is something on Harry’s expression that makes him want to go to him and kneel.

_ God, he needs to kneel for this man.  _

_ For himself. _

In the next second, Harry controls his face, so very little of his emotions is seen. “So you like bondage? What type?”

“Cuffs? Ropes? I tend to be real big on metallic handcuffs, but now I prefer rope… I loved that class… Shibari? Never tried that and I would love that.”

_ Please tie me up and use me. _

“What else?” The dominance in Harry’s voice is making him hard. 

“I get off on the Dom just being dominant and taking the charge, so I can…”

“Let go?”

“Yeah. I love that. To not be in charge.”

“I get off on being in charge… Look at us being all compatible.” 

That sounded off, so Louis will do everything, to be honest at this moment in time. “Am I even your type?”

“Oh, you most surely are Louis. I need to think about all of this.”

“Wait. Why?”

“Let’s say I get off on some things you don’t… In the sense of pleasure...”

“Like what?”

“Pain.” 

Fuck.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. Listen. I still think...”

“Nah, not going to work mate.”

_ Short breath in.  _

_ Short breath out.  _

This is not happening. How is it possible, that with that type of energy their kinks don’t line up as they want? Regret and something else is consuming Louis’ body. Not regret to come here tonight, regret hoping. For hoping that there is something bigger.

_ Something special. _

He slowly stands up. Harry is looking at him, pleading him without words. Not to go. Not to run.

“Louis… I still think we can manage to see where this can… There is still a middle ground? No?”

“No, I mean… Sorry, I thought…”

“I can give you what you want Louis.”

“Yes, but can I give you?”

The silence is stretching through the living room after that and when Louis starts his way towards the door, all he can hear is the echo of his steps and his heart screaming to turn around.


	4. Rose and Dagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How little did he need?
> 
> To break that spell.
> 
> To bring him peace.

**Saturday, 11:10 PM**

 

Louis, still fully clothed, was lying on his enormous, yet empty bed. He can't believe he ran away from the hottest and most intriguing dinner date he had ever had. 

Sometimes things just don't go as you want them to. 

Mishka jumps on the bed and stares at him curiously. He is feeling just like she's judging his life choices with her bright green cat eyes. 

All he wants is him being calm again, at peace, with himself and with the world. 

_ It will happen, right? _

Just when he starts contemplating having another cold shower, his phone starts to vibrate.

**Harry Styles: I wanted to say so many things to you tonight. I wanted to do so many things to you. With you. I don't want to be that guy who will throw away a good chemistry just because we don't match in one kink. (Or more.) I didn't match with my last partner, and the one before that, and the one before that. I'm sorry that this is how our evening ended and I'm sorry if you are upset with me in any way. That truly wasn't my attention. H, x**

Louis reads the text several times and all he can do is smile. He doesn't want to text anything back, but he just can't let it go.

**So, you are saying, you have had numerous partners?**

**Harry Styles: This is all you got from that text?**

**Nah sorry, just kidding. I don't know what is possible or not possible, I just don't think tonight was the night for us. We are both over the age for not to be with the person who can give us what we want. Being in the lifestyle yourself, you surely feel the same?**

**Harry Styles: Heeeey, I am not old.**

**No, you are not. I am.**

**Harry Styles: No you are not. And about being with the person who can give us everything we want... Isn't that too easy? Why do we run away from people who challenge us, who can push us? Who makes us think, make us feel new things, new feelings? I have been with people who I thought they can give me everything, yet I got very little out of that relationship. I have been with people who said 'red' in the first scene and I have enjoyed that knowledge and play time with them way more than with anyone else.**

**You are a man of many words, Mr. Styles.**

**Harry Styles: Just Sir, Louis. Just Sir for you.**

**Then, I need to say, goodnight Sir.**

**Harry Styles: Goodnight.**

No pet name? No Submissive trademark? The conversation they just had was going somewhere, no? Disappointment is a feeling Louis is too familiar with his lovers. Harry is so different from anyone else he played, and so very different from Jake. Jake promised him the world and didn't deliver.

 

**Wednesday, 10:28 PM**

 

The next week at work dragged as a lengthy Monday and he hadn't seen Harry once. It appears like they intentionally avoided each other.

Today's night shift was calm, all patients stable and as good as they can be, so the idea that he could catch up on sleep was like a dream.

Harry's texts from the weekend are playing in his mind in the loop. He can't focus on anything. 

_ Could they be? _

_ Something?  _

_ Anything?  _

_ With pain involved?  _

He would never do that to his partner, to not give them the 'thing' they get off the most. It never goes away, he knows that himself. It's always there and it creeps on the relationship, no matter how hard you try not to pay attention, you always quietly wish, you could get that.

_ That thing. _

He and Jake weren't really that compatible. Jake was really into pup play and Louis agreed to do some things, but never fell over the edge. Not once. They both tried to make it work, they were in love, they just weren't that harmonious in bed. 

At the end Jake blamed it all on Louis, accusing him that he's not really a real Submissive because he doesn't do what he, as a Dominant, wants. That broke him. He always knew who he was as an intimate, devoted partner. He was proud of that and he loved that distinctive difference between him being alfa and in charge at work and leaving that authority in front of the bedroom door. Never ever was he ashamed of his kinks or preferences. What Jake did, was making him promise to himself that he will never play with a guy who won't check all of his boxes. 

And vice versa. 

_ Then comes Harry.  _

Harry frustrates him till no end, their kinks do not match and on top of everything he is a coworker. He is also remarkably arrogant, self-absorbed and, yes, hot as well.

Louis had many Doms who could make him come so hard he would see stars, but after Jake, no one was permanent. 

After a second he pulls out his phone and takes a picture of him lying down on his on-call room bed, blue scrubs riding low on his hips, so a bit of skin on his stomach is showing. Something else is showing a little bit lower, just a distant imagination. He is sporting a semi, since Saturday, and he wants Harry to be just a fraction as frustrated as he is. He checks the picture and without a second thought he presses 'send'.

Deep breath. 

"Shit, what the fuck did I just do?" No one answers to him and the nightstand lamp is flickering a bit. It makes him even itchier.

After two minutes, his phone vibrates on his stomach.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

**Harry Styles: Fuck. You look fantastic. I wish I would be there and I would lick that golden looking stripe of warm skin. Louis, you have no idea what you do to me. I want everything you are willing to give. Just say the word.**

Louis gets hard in a second. It's that uncomfortable feeling of sexual frustration and not getting a single touch for months.

Will he do this? 

Will he send sexual texts at work to his coworker? In his on-call room? 

"Fuck this."

He sends another picture, a slightly different angle, but this time, erection is visible through his pants.

It takes 3 minutes to receive a photo from Harry.

It was a glass of wine in Harry's hand. Nothing else. When he looked closely, he could see people around in the place where Harry was. Soon after the text came in too.

**Harry Styles: You look unreal. I just got hard in a public place, so thank you for that. Tease. Guess this is not going how you wish it will go? Listen... I am out and about. But if I would be there, you would have zero scrubs on.**

**Is that a promise?**

**Harry Styles: If you want it to be, then it is.**

**Then it is.**

**Harry Styles: Good.**

Louis can't believe they really did that. They practically decided to play. Right this second. He really needs this for himself. 

_ Skin to skin. _

_ To breathe him in. _

_ To feel. _

 

**Thursday, 3:03 PM**

 

At the end of every Thursday, they have a big meeting at the end of their workday. It's the most important day in the department, the day the whole team of specialists sit together, discuss and plan the upcoming week. There are pediatricians, oncology specialists, general surgeons and even some radiologists if they can find their way. Anesthesiologists are bringing the coffee and that's the reason why they are Louis' favorites. You can always count on their coffee supply. 

Louis is late today and he is rushing to the big seminar room at the end of the fifth floor. They have nothing special to discuss, just some scheduled OP program. When he is pushing the door open, the chief of staff is already speaking, but no one is even blinking at the new person coming in. People are used for others being late because of their rounds or emergency cases. 

Two chairs are still empty, so Louis stumbles to the one closest to him. While putting his charts on the table he tries to concentrate on words being said, so he can make sense out of it. He only has one case to introduce, which he won't even do if they won't have time. 

He looks up and sees tons of coffee in the middle of the table. 

"Thank fuck for anesthesiology department."

"Excuse me dr. Tomlinson, you were saying?" 

"Oh no no, nothing, I was just asking what did I miss." Being a doctor makes you swerve around topics like a professional drifter, so he knows how to dodge the bullet from the boss. 

"We just started, but we can start with you. What are you having?"

"9-year-old boy waiting for kidney transplant. We are in talks with the family about donation. He is also on an emergency transplant list, so we expect something will happen sooner than later, this week, at the latest. He is stable, his lab results are good, no infection so far, so we will have a sit down with our urologist and his parents to discuss everything important. This is scheduled for tomorrow at 10 AM. I expect TX to happen in the middle of the next week. He will have dialyze regularly."

"Good. Anesthesiology department knows about this plan?"

"Yeah, dr. Smith already checked him." Louis looks up to Sophia, who is already nodding and smiling in his direction.

"Great, anything else?"

"No, that's all from me dr. Hammer"

"Ok then, let's move on."

Louis is reaching for the coffee in the middle of the table while people continue to talk about different cases. His phone buzzed in the pocket, so he pulls it out and he almost spills all the coffee. 

Of course, the text is from Harry.

**Harry Styles: Fuck you are hot when you know what you are talking about.**

He looks up and frantically looks around the room. In the far right corner, behind dr. Smith, he sees Harry smirking at him. With glasses on. 

Since when Harry wears reading glasses?

**Shut up. Why are you not sitting around the table, like all the normal people do?**

**Harry Styles: Because I don' have to even be here today. My chief is here, so that's enough, I just felt like to come.**

**You just felt like to come?**

**Harry Styles: Yeah. I mean, I like to hear what might happen next week and what's the plan.**

**Cool.**

He is sipping on his coffee and pretends to read his files, just so he can distract himself and not stare at those green eyes staring at him. He has this underlying feeling that Harry can read his mind and it scares him.

They haven't seen each other a lot, just in the distance and they haven't texted since last night. He didn't manage to find the courage to write anything, let alone step say something in the hallway. 

The phone is lighting it up on his lap. Again.

**Harry Styles: Are you off after this? If you are off, I would love to get you off as well.**

He feels the pulse rising and the blush creeping up his neck.

He types back.

**I am yes.**

**Harry Styles: Are you saying what I think you are?**

Louis locks eyes with Harry and right there and then he doesn't care if anyone sees them. He nods. Not even subtly, he nods definite and confident. He knows what he wants and he wants Harry to get him off.

Now, he will have control over himself, thank you very much, and he will manage to sit here and not get hard under the table.

The burning sensation of Harry's eyes on him doesn't go away for the whole duration of the meeting. When people start standing up and leaving the room, he stands up and hurries through the door as well. He takes the stairs this time around, he won't manage to ride that elevator today. Not after that promise.

He has only two stories down towards his office and he hears steps behind him.

He doesn't look, but he knows who it is. When he is walking down the hallway towards his room, he looks back. Harry is nonchalantly typing something on his phone and not even looking at him, deliberately striding in his direction.

The heart will rip his way out of his chest, the anticipation is setting in. He is so gorgeous with that bun on top of his head, green scrubs, and reading glasses tucked in his shirt. 

Louis stops in front of his door and he's struggling to find his card. Just one swipe and he will be in. 

They will be in.

The door opens and he quickly steps in the space, almost runs towards his table next to the big window. he is breathing so fast it's making him dizzy. He puts his folder down and because he needs to steady himself, he puts his palms on a wood and he bows his head. His back is turned towards the door. He is on high alert and he hears Harry coming into the room and closing the door. 

Then everything stills. 

_ He needs it. _

Did Harry lock the door?

In the middle of silent pleading in his head, he realized his head is bowed and his palms are on the table. He is still standing, but the shift in the energy is making him overanalyze his body and posture. It goes with the territory. It's written in his bones. How to present, how to act and move around a Dominant. He is not dr. Tomlinson right now.

He is a Submissive, from the moment Harry closed those doors. 

"Do you want me to present, Sir?"

"You are presenting just fine. I'm enjoying the view. Though it's a shame I can't see your body through that coat. Take it off, fold it and assume the same position."

Louis does what he was instructed. Then he takes the exact same position, palms on the table, head bowed. The only thing that's different is that he put his feet wider apart. 

Completly unconsciously. 

"Very nice. Nice touch with the legs. Safe words?"

"Green to go, yellow to stop and discuss, red to end it all together."

He hears Harry coming closer, yet he isn’t so sure his legs won’t give up. Louis is feeling himself going under and he never ever experienced Submission to take over him so fast.

It was always a dance. Something that took time and even some force from his own side, to completely give in. 

To give that control over. 

Not with Harry. 

This is instant. 

Just like a switch.

Harry stops behind him. Not touching, yet he can feel his body heat.

Both of them are breathing hard and fast. Louis shuts his eyes. He needs to feel everything he can in this moment of time because he isn’t so sure, he will get a second chance. When he is going under, words are not a priority. It’s hard for him to speak. He wants to speak to Harry, he wants to say how he will do everything to satisfy him. 

To make him proud. 

To meet his wishes.

Harry is first to say something. “Is this ok?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Mister Golden boy.”

“Oh, are you challenging me now? I can go through the door right this second if this is a joke to you Louis.” Harry's voice is stern, almost unrecognizable.

He tries to turn and suddenly he feels a hand on his upper back.

“No, don’t move.”

“Sorry… Sir.”

“Better.”

“You can say stop any time you want, you always have permission to speak, even when you try to challenge me and be all bratty. I love a challenge, so bring it on. But if I will have a feeling that you are playing with me, the stakes are gone. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I play with a willing partner, I will never force you into something you don’t want. I will push you in directions you might be warry off, we will discuss everything, but for now I would like you to be still.”

Harry then presses his whole body to Louis' back. With his right hand he grabs his hair and pushes Louis' head back, so Harry's mouth is on his neck, hot breath right next to his ear.

He almost loses it at that spot, his legs are shaking and palms are sweaty, all the blood he has is either in his dick or in his face. He will burn from Harry's touch, he will literally evaporate in the thin air. He breathes loudly and almost moans.

_ Is Harry breathing him in? _

"Did you jerk off yesterday?"

"Yeah." Of course, he had. No shame there.

Harry pulls his hair harder. "Yeah what? Do not piss me off Louis, please, do not piss me off."

"Yes, yes, yes, Sir, I did. I was thinking about you."

"Did you now?"

"Harry please."

He then feels the kiss on his neck and around his ear. He won't survive this and he can't stay calm.

"Stay still."

All he can feel in the next moment is cold. Nothing. Harry stepped away. He looks up and sees Harry approaching the other side of the desk. Right, where his chair was. 

His confusion must be shown because Harry didn't wait too long to address him.

"I will sit down on this chair and you will show me what you did when I wanted to be there, but wasn't.

"W-what?"

Harry calmly sat down and looked up again.

"You will show me what you did the other night. No coming without permission."

"You are fucking crazy. We are at work."

Harry smiled widely with mischief in his eyes. "Yeah, but you were at work that night too, right?"

Louis was feeling like he was glued to the floor. Hot all over and the urge to push back is boiling in him. He doesn't know how or where that even came from. He usually didn't fight his Doms, he preferred for things to get started sooner than later, so he usually followed their instructions. But everything is different with Harry. There is excitement which won't let him just obey? But at the same time all he wants it's to kneel for him, for Harry.

"Shit... Ok."

"Look at me, eyes on me at all times. Color?"

"Green."

"Good."

Silence fills the space. Louis looks at the windows and wonders if they really aren't see through.

"Eyes Louis."

He nods and locks eyes with Harry.

Just one pull of the white string in his scrubs and he felt his pants falling down. All he wanted in that second is to sit on Harry's lap. 

Or at his feet. 

He wants to kneel at his feet. 

Harry's pleasure is everything he wants. Louis was harder than ever in his life and he hadn't even touch himself. 

Harry starts to talk, to tease him back. "I was never aware of your hands, do you know that? I love your delicate hands. I want you to touch yourself just the way you do when no one is watching. If you need, you can use both hands, whatever you do. Show me."

He almost came on that spot. "Jesus Harry."

Louis starts fumbling with his boxer briefs and with the slightest tremor he slowly holds himself. Just holds. He doesn't dare to move for now, because he is afraid he would come on the spot. 

Harry sitting there, watching him is making him burning all over and him not touching him is almost more if he would. 

Harry opens his mouth, and he spreads his legs. With his hooded eyes, he is watching Louis' hand.

"Fuck baby. Look at you."

Louis starts to move his hand. 

Slowly. 

Gently. 

He desperately wants to lick his palm, so it would glide better, so it would feel better. So he does, without thinking, and at that precise moment, Harry looks back up at him, licking his lips, just like he wants to lick Louis' palm himself.

At the same time, Harry starts palming himself through his scrubs and Louis is about to lose it. He roughly grabs himself back and vigorously moves his hand. He can't hold it anymore. 

The sweetness of release is starting to creep up his spine and the fire between them is becoming too much to handle. Fear that his knees would give up makes him giddy. He never got giddy in this type of situation, when he played with someone. He is in love with this new feeling. Of not knowing what will come next, of someone to take control of his body, his mind for this delicious moments, right before he comes. 

This is him submitting, to give his own pleasure to someone that wants to cherish it. Sparks of invisible electricity fill the air in the room and all he needs right now is permission. 

He won't come without it.

Not at their first scene.

He needs Harry to want more. 

He slows down, relaxing his grip and he is doing everything to slow down his heart. 

He will beg if he needs to.

"Harry, please..."

"What baby?"

"Can I?"

"Come? You want to come?"

"Yeah shit, please. I'm beginning."

All it takes is one word and white pleasure covers him all. Swallows him.

Almost like he can't hold back. 

Not with Harry. 

He starts to come at the same moment Harry whispers 'come baby' without breaking their eye contact.

The pleasure swallows him whole. He swims in it for the longest time, with his eyes closed. 

"Jesus fucking Christ." Harry's words almost wake him up from the stupor he is in. Seeing Harry still sitting in his chair, fully clothed and oh-so-hard makes him laugh out loud. 

Another thing he has never done right after he came with a Dom in the room.

Harry smirks at that. "That good?"

"How do you know it was good? Pretentious much?" Louis is whipping his hand in his folded coat that's on the table and they both laugh at the move. He starts pulling his scrubs and boxer briefs up and Harry's words stop him.

"Oh, so that's it?"

"Listen, dude."

"Dude?" Shit. Harry sounds angry.

"Harry, listen, this is our workplace. There are windows and... I would be more comfortable this to happen somewhere more private?"

"Ooooh, so something will happen?"

"Harry, come on."

"You are so cute when you are beginng and when you are frustrated."

The blush he is feeling to creep up on his neck is making him itchy.

He does want more. 

Everything he can get. So he speaks, "Yeah, let's move this to my place. Or yours, wherever you want..."

"Yeah, let's do that." Seeing Harry smiling that bright just from him agreeing is making him the happiest he has been in a long time.

"Great. So, at my place, tonight at seven?"

"Yeah."

Harry stands up and when he comes around the table again, he stops right in front of Louis. 

Louis launches forward to kiss him with everything he has. Because this is what he wants. 

_ To taste him.  _

_ To feel him.  _

_ All of Him. _

Harry slowly breaks the kiss and starts to move towards the door, eyes still persistently on Louis. Right before he goes through the door he devilishly whispers something that sounded more like a moan. "That was the hottest thing I have ever been a part of."

Louis' heart skips a bit.

He carelessly runs around the table, jumps on his chair and he spins in circles.  He spins for a long time.  Round and round.

Just like that.

How little did he need? 

To break that spell.

To bring him peace.

After a while, he stops and looks out of his big window. Suddenly realization kicks in and he wonders how the hell did he not know that about himself. 

_ He is into public play. _

"Fuck."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
